Decisions of a Dangerous Mind
by Red Ace
Summary: KOTOR: Mandalorian Wars. Revan's thoughts on the Mandalorian Wars and the decisions that had to be made. Maybe not angsty, but there is some resentment. Androgynous Revan with excerpts from the song 'You're A Rebel'.


Standard Disclaimer: Star Wars and KOTOR are owned by Lucas, Bioware, and LucasArts. The version of the song _You're A Rebel_ I used was performed by the band Dropkick Murphy's under Hellcat Records but originally belongs to Iron Cross and their Label.

_**A/N:**_ Well, I started this after I got writer's block trying to think stuff up for _Errants_, my first story. But I have recently moved and all my notes for that story have miraculously disappeared, which means I have to start over until I can catch up. Oh, well… Anyway this one is a bit of a companion to _Reflections of a Dangerous Mind_ only it's covers the Mandalorian Wars instead of the Star Forge events. I'm thinking of doing something else like this and Reflections but between the two, maybe do a series.

Revan's thoughts after fighting in the Mandalorian Wars. I tried to make the fall gradually evident as it progressed until there was no mistaking the change from Jedi to Sith in the end. We'll see how that works out. I also tried to keep both Revan and the Exile androgynous, so you the reader could decide. I think it turned out passable, but feel free to review and let me know what you think.

_**Decisions of a Dangerous Mind**_

_  
_We had them trapped at Malachor. It was supposed to be the final stand of the war. After I decapitated Mandalore, they were supposed to surrender. But no. They couldn't just quietly fade into oblivion, like so many other races before them. They had to keep fighting...

_Backed up against the wall  
The animal makes his final stand  
And he spits and growls and shows his teeth  
He's a foreigner in his own land_

It all began with a few worlds on the Outer Rim, even the Republic only watched. Then they moved forward, and finally someone acted. Unfortunately, it was the Republic that acted first. Not the Jedi. The self-proclaimed protectors of the innocent, the keepers of peace did nothing. The council wanted to keep watching. And they did. They watched as worlds were raped, pillaged, and burned. They sat back while the Force trembled with the cries of pain, fear, hatred, and death. They were fools. They all were. The council for doing nothing, the Jedi for listening to them, the Republic for letting the enemy get so close, and the Mandalorians for attacking. Even I was a fool at first. I can admit that. I listened to the council, but then again I was never that good at listening to lectures.

I chose to fight. I chose to leave. And others followed me. A generation of Jedi left with me. To fight with me, to follow me, to die for me. I had a_generation_ of Jedi Knights at my disposal. I held the future and those fools still denounced me and my cause. A shortsighted rebel, they called me. At first, I was hurt. They were my teachers, my mentors, my guardians. But then, I started to laugh. I started to laugh at them, their pathetic tries to cover their own inaction, hiding behind their "morals" if you can still call them that. I don't remember when I started to laugh, but now I do so daily. It seems… fitting. They couldn't touch us; we were in control of the war effort. And I'm still in control of everyone.

_When there's nowhere left to run  
You're a rebel  
No more battles to be won  
You're a alone  
Stands out there with his pride  
And fights with no one on his side  
You're a rebel  
_

And so we fought. I led, and they followed without question. It was perfect. I won victory after victory. I was slaughtering the enemy! True, I had to make some sacrifices, a platoon here, a squadron there, even some small plants, but it was worth it in the long run. Everything was just so right. I kept winning, and they would blindly devote themselves to my every word. I had my own private army of Jedi and Republic soldiers who would follow me to the ends of the universe.

We were winning the war, but if I didn't end it soon, all my victories would be for nothing. We were running low on supplies, and they were tiring with each passing battle. I had to end it. I ordered one of our top technicians, an Irodonian Zabrak whose name I can't recall, to construct my greatest weapon: The Mass Shadow Generator. It was top secret, only a handful of sentients knew about my pet project, but I was ready to silence anyone who spoke of it. At first, it was a last resort, but it soon became a necessity. It would lead to a much larger casualty count for us than I would have liked, but both a Jedi's and soldier's life is sacrifice. It was worth it in the long run.

_Without mercy the pack descends  
They hear the cries of justice are in his defense  
With a smug satisfaction they strip him bare  
They kill the soul that should have flourished there  
_

When the project was completed, I knew victory was at hand. So, one could imagine my surprise when a message came from Mandalore with a dueling challenge enclosed. I knew right then and there the war would be officially over after at last. Truthfully, I was disappointed that I might not have been able to use my pet project or 'my little toy' as Malak took to calling it. To be honest, he was starting to get on my nerves, always scurrying about underfoot, always trying to be a big war hero, always trying to be 'friendly'. I should have framed him for treason when I had the chance months ago. Now that his men look up to him it will be much harder to dispose of him, but like Malak has always said about me, I'm never one to back down from a challenge. But I still had Plan B. If by some fluke of fate I lost my duel, I would activate the Mass Shadow Generator and take the planet with me, along with the Mandalorians and Malak and whoever I found annoying enough to die should that happen. To be frank, Malak was the only one on our side I couldn't let live without me. He's too reckless to allow to live without my proper guidance; the oaf was never good with responsibility.

I accepted Mandalore's challenge with zeal. I had everything planned. If I won, the Mandalorians would be tried for war crimes and face public execution, which in turn would boost moral. If Mandalore won, I would activate the Generator and take everyone with me. If both Mandalore and I suffered mortal wounds, then I would activate the Generator and take everyone with me. But if I won and the Mandalorians did not accept my superiority over them, I would make sure they regretted it. Well, me and my Mass Shadow Generator of course. Unfortunately, one of my generals, a Jedi who had followed me from Dantooine and had the technician in their unit, opposed my plans for the generator. I would have to take care of that one discreetly. They went to Malachor with me and Malak for my duel. If I had to die for the Republic, then so would they.

Needless to say, I won and suffered no grave injuries. I found it extremely freeing destroying the Mandalorian leader. I experienced a sense of ecstasy, watching his heart's blood drip off my blade and flow freely from his neck where his head once stood. But unfortunately my euphoria couldn't last. Those damn Mandalorians couldn't accept defeat. Then I saw my chance to kill two birds with one stone. The Mandalorians had to pay for their insolence and I had my critics, short sighted fools that only saw what I did and never the results. So what if I had to leave a few civilian targets unprotected? I kept our strategic points intact, and death of those civilians boosted moral. They wanted blood. _I_ gave them blood! They put _me_ in charge; they had no right to oppose me! NO ONE OPPOSES REVAN!

_When there's nowhere left to run  
You're a rebel  
No more battles to be won  
You're a alone  
Stands out there with his pride  
And Fights with no one on his side  
You're a rebel  
_

And of course the thorn in my side. The one wild card that could ruin everything I had meticulously planned to totally eradicate any trace of Mandalorian resistance. The General. That weak simple minded fool that had been hounding my every step, constantly second guessing me. I swear I would have never made any friends with the Dantooine Academy generals, if I knew they would never _shut up_! If it's not Malak begging for more responsibility, then it's that General haranguing me with questions. Oh, will their deaths be sweet.

Above Malachor, Malak led aerial fighters in carpet bombing the Mandalorian rebels. For the ground troops, my unworthy adversary of a general would orchestrate the final blows from their ship just so close to be in orbit without being greatly affected by the gravitational pull. I had others lead the cannon fodder on the ground, relay orders from me, or aid Malak with the carpet bombing. He always wanted more responsibility with the troops, so I gave in thinking it would be a final request. Unfortunately, the Mandalorians were much more determined that I had planned. So I gave my soon to be late General the order to initiate the sequences for my Mass Shadow Generator, thinking it would destroy Malak, my General, and anyone else who wanted to get in my way.

_You're a rebel but not a winner  
You're a fighter and now you're bloodied  
You're a rebel but not a winner  
You're a fighter and now you're bloodied  
You're a rebel but not a winner  
You're a fighter and now you're bleeding  
_

But again misfortune was my mistress. True, the Mandalorians were defeated and severely crippled, but not every fool I sent off to die actually died. There are only two of that I care to note: Malak and my General. Malak's instruments exploded in the cockpit, costing him his jaw. He seems to resent me much more now than before the final battle for 'holding him back'. I stroked his ego at first before I tired of it, telling him I thought he was away from the pull, but I think he is starting to realize it's all half-hearted. It's about damn time.

And I could never forget my General. Regrettably still surviving, but dealt a deliciously crippling blow. Proof of the truth in the saying: 'there are worse things than death.' Left bruised and broken by the generator, my poor, poor General lost the connection to the Force that was the only reason for any interest in them. It's wonderful how although things don't go as planned, they still can come up remarkably in your favor. And as if it could not get any better, the fool decided to leave and return to the Jedi Council! To be tried for the crimes of war they committed! That ignorant insufferable fool. It's just too perfect. I can just picture it now. The fool returns seeking the benevolent compassion of the Council, only to be rejected and cast out of the order. Then, to make my victory even more sweet, the Exile wanders the galaxy wallowing in self-pity and crushing guilt. It's like you always told me: 'A Jedi's life is sacrifice.' Indeed, my friend, and you just sacrificed everything for nothing.

_Without mercy the pack descends  
They said the cries of justice are in his defense  
With a smug satisfaction they strip him bare  
They kill the soul that should have flourished there_

But no sooner than I, the Great Jedi Revan, leader of the Republic forces, the Savior of the Republic, had _won_, I was betrayed! The Republic should have been down on its hands and knees thanking me. I should have had every senator and their family scurrying about trying to curry my favor. I SAVED THEIR FUTURE! And _how_ do they repay me? They kindly _order_ me; _ME_, THEIR HERO, TO RETURN TO THE JEDI ORDER! They didn't want to strain relations with the council, they said. They were grateful but had no more use for us, they said. Now there is dissention in the ranks. They followed me and now I will make exiles of them. They are still weak from the battle, so pose no real threat as of now, but some of the soldiers don't approve of the Republic's actions. They will still follow me… This will prove to my advantage.

_When there's nowhere left to run  
You're a rebel  
No more battles to be won  
You're a alone  
Stands out there with his pride  
And Fights with no one on his side  
You're a rebel  
_

Unfortunately, there is but only one course of action to take. I must take my Jedi and my soldiers and crush the Republic. They brought it on themselves really. They promised so much, but have delivered nothing. Luckily, I keep _my_ word. I promised my troops their own place in history; I promised my Jedi a safe home, free from the actions of the Jedi council. I just have to make it by myself and crush the Republic. And so another empire must fall, but that's how the universe works. A pity that.


End file.
